Service With a Sly Smile

I can never take my car to a dealership service area without a vague feeling of mistrust. I feel like the foreigner in an Eastern bazaar: I know what I want, I am fairly savvy, but the "natives" are wily and they have the edge; they are "the experts", ever willing to throw a bucket of doubt on my small flame of knowledge.

In the first place, your vehicle is whisked away to a back operating room where anonymous dirty handed people pull and hammer pieces of your car in an alarming manner, stick computer linkup cables to sockets (I wonder if those things are even hooked up) and soon, a verdict on the condition of the car is passed. You have no idea how. But the verdict always falls into one of two categories:

(1) "There is nothing wrong with your car at all, Mr. Healey". Either the service order says "could not replicate" or "normal", both of which are surprising, since the car won't start without a comical explosion from the engine bay and a cloud of smoke from the tailpipe.

(2) "I am sorry to say that there is a problem with your car, Mr. Healey" (which I know, since I took it in because there was a problem). "Apparently the descombubulator of the master cylinder has burnt out sending a flash to the electronic ignition system resulting in a problem of premature explosive cycle. We located the part at a dealership in Zimbabwe, and the service department can get us the part by say two weeks from Wednesday, cholera epidemic permitting". Cost? "Oooh. Let me see. I have the kids to put through college, the mortgage to pay off , AND the dealership needs to make money. I'd say about $1,500. If we don't find anything else". Warranty? "Oh no (giggles)! Our warranty doesn't cover normal wear and tear. This part is both worn and torn, so the warranty doesn't apply".

And, as John Lennon said, " I am not the only one to feel this way". Dealerships could go a long way in gaining consumer trust with a few simple measures:

(A) Make the back room a mechanical showroom with huge plate glass windows where customers can see what the mechanics are doing. Even operating theatres have these now. Are these guys doing more than microsurgery?

(B) Show us all the paperwork. How much does the replacement part cost as per your catalogue? How many hours does the manufacturer estimate to change this part? (Most manufacturers have such a table for almost every part on the vehicle).

(C) Show us the parts. Ohio law (and there are similar laws in other states) requires that the mechanic offers to give us the used parts, and to hand them over if requested. Very, very few dealers do this (I have only seen it once, at an Audi dealership). At most, a few will ask you to initial a tiny box with tiny print relinquishing this right. Don't do it!

(D) Attitude. We have all been to dealerships where we are treated as rather tiresome dullards, who would not understand what was wrong even if they tried ever so hard to explain, so why bother? Pay and move on, bub.

Some dealerships have tried to allay our mistrust with free coffee, a comfy seat and a good magazine, usually depicting their vehicles in a most favorable light, and highlighting the many awards they have received. I'd rather see what they are doing with my car. I can get a good cup of coffee anywhere, but a good dealership is hard to find.